


Butterflies

by nickyeol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Body Image, Body Worship, Bottom Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Fluff, M/M, Nipple Play, Rimming, Smut, Top Kim Jongin | Kai, Weight Issues, chubby!soo, junmyeon and chanyeol are jongin's unnamed gym buddies, mentions of bullying and colorism, yixing is baekhyun's unnamed and briefly mentioned love interest, you can probably guess who the other two characters are i don't wanna spoil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23559121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickyeol/pseuds/nickyeol
Summary: Kyungsoo gave up on love, but a hot guy at the gym has him second-guessing that decision.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 18
Kudos: 227





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jonginika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonginika/gifts).



> hello all! this is the first fic i've published in a really long time. I've actually been working on it a while and finally summoned the strength to finish it. honestly, i'm nervous about it because i feel like i'm rusty but ah well... we can't get better if we don't try. also, i believe this is also the longest one-shot i've ever published so? yay! 
> 
> just a head's up, this fic mentions body image issues and also colorism. i just want to make it clear i don't agree with how kyungsoo sees or speaks about himself in this fic. being overweight does not make you unattractive, and if you are overweight you don't need to be thin to "become pretty" or whatever, but that's the type of subject addressed in this fic, jsyk!

Kyungsoo is quiet and shy by nature. He’s not particularly intelligent, but a lot of people seem to think he is thanks to his glasses and introversion. He doesn’t mind that misconception either, really, until students in his classes approach him for help and he has to let them know he scores average grades himself. 

But that, Kyungsoo doesn’t mind that. He's alright with being a quiet guy. He’s got his buddies Sehun and Baekhyun anyway, and Baekhyun is more than loud and talkative enough for the three of them. His issue lies more in how he sees himself, and no matter how much his best friends reassure him that he is wonderful, beautiful, and an absolute pleasure to be around Kyungsoo can’t get over his worries. 

No one is mean to him now, but he recalls vividly back in high school how his peers would point and stare and giggle behind their hands. He would act like he couldn’t hear anything, but in reality their whispers felt like they were being shouted in his ears. 

_Kyungsoo is so fat, ew._

_Kyungsoo is so ugly. He's Quasimodo._

_Kyungsoo looks like a potato._

It was years ago but whenever Kyungsoo looks at himself in the mirror he hears their insults over and over and he can’t stand it. He hates looking at himself in the mirror because he sees every single flaw and he understands exactly why they bullied him. He’s fat. He’s ugly. No one will ever love him the way he so desperately dreams of being loved one day. 

He doesn’t even dream about that anymore these days. He knows it’ll never happen. 

He keeps himself wrapped up in dark clothes that conceal most of his skin, and he wears hats often too. Even in the heat Kyungsoo bundles himself up as it makes him feel safer. If they can’t see my body they can’t insult me for how ugly it is, he figures. 

One day, he’s just fed up with it entirely. He’s sick of hating himself. He wants to be as pretty as he can be--someone like Baekhyun, who’s pretty and thin and has guys fawning over him all the time. He wants to be slim and attractive and have someone to call his one day, and he thinks he knows exactly how to do that. He’s opted to join Sehun and Baekhyun along to the gym finally, and while he hates sweating he knows this is the first step toward slimming down. 

“You know, Kyungsoo, you don’t have to do this. We all know you hate excessive exercise. Besides, you’re really not as big as you think you are and even if you were that doesn’t make you unattractive!” Baekhyun says as they’ve all changed into their gym clothes. Kyungsoo feels shy. He feels like his clothes is revealing and part of himself just wants to put his hoodie back on and leave because this is so out of his comfort zone. Everyone is going to watch him and know he sticks out like a sore thumb. 

But… if he backs down now when will he work himself up to doing this again? No more running. He wants to solve the problem now. 

This all is how Kyungsoo finds himself at a treadmill walking at a slightly-more-than-leisure pace. Sehun’s a little ways away working on his glutes or whatever, and Baekhyun’s on the treadmill beside him. Baekhyun’s chattering away and Kyungsoo’s listening, mostly, but his attention diverts inevitably as he glances around the room. It’s surprisingly pretty empty. There’s Sehun not too far away from them and two women across the room on some bikes. He’s just about ready to direct his attention back to Baekhyun when he’s possessed to do a double take.

A few feet in front of both him and Baekhyun there’s two guys doing strength exercises and a third that appears to be taking a quick break. The third guy is on his phone and there’s another that Kyungsoo can’t see well but he can tell that guy is super tall. The last one, though, he looks up just as Kyungsoo’s looking over at him and right at that very second Kyungsoo feels like he’s been punched in the face.

Right away Kyungsoo recognizes that this guy is insanely hot. Like, ridiculously so. 

Mystery Hot Guy is tall, tan, fit, and handsome. He’s got messy black hair that’s a bit matted to his forehead thanks to the sweat, and while normally Kyungsoo would find that gross he thinks the guy looks oddly appealing with his golden-bronze skin glistening like that. Thanks to the work out his biceps are bulging probably more than they normally would, and while they’re not huge they’re still pretty big and drool-worthy and so nicely sculpted—holy shit, this dude is so hot. The hottest guy Kyungsoo’s ever seen, really. He can’t believe someone like him exists in real life.

This stranger is like all of Kyungsoo’s anime crushes. He’s gotta be some hot anime dude come to life or like, some Greek god. He’s Adonis reincarnated, Kyungsoo swears, and _oh fuck he’s been staring at the stud across the room like a creep this whole time_.

Kyungsoo panics and ends up slipping and falling on the treadmill and making a complete fool of himself. He cracks an eye open to see that the beautiful stranger is still looking at him. Oh no, oh no. He feels like he’s going to die. He’s so embarrassed and humiliated and—

Why? Why does it matter? It’s not like this stranger cares. It’s not like Kyungsoo would ever even have the chance to merely talk with someone like him. This is the “rational” and self-deprecating half of him speaking in a (rather poor) attempt to calm him down.

While Baekhyun’s fussing over him Kyungsoo sits up. He can hear his friend but doesn’t quite catch what he’s saying as he still feels disoriented and wants a hole to appear under him and swallow him up more than anything. Ugh, he knew coming here was a terrible idea. 

An unfamiliar voice finally manages to grasp his attention, and looking up and to the side Kyungsoo again finds that feeling of existential dread expanding exponentially. Of course it’s none other than the hot guy that just saw him make a complete fool of himself that’s walked over here and started talking to him. 

“Are you alright? That looked like a nasty fall,” the stranger says, extending a hand to him. Kyungsoo stares between his face and hand in bewilderment, like it’s some odd cultural gesture he’s never seen before. He’s distracted by the guy’s voice too. How predictable that this insanely gorgeous guy with a kind and sincere gaze has a deep and soothing voice to match. How is this guy real? He must be secretly be an asshole. His dick must be tiny. Come on, there has to be a catch here. No one is _this_ perfect. 

There’s a surprising move from Baekhyun that breaks the awkward tension. He nudges Kyungsoo and whispers “don’t be rude, dumbass,” prompting Kyungsoo to apologize. Despite Kyungsoo’s better judgement he takes a hold of the stranger’s hand. Mysterious hot guy hoists him up to a standing position with ease, but thanks to Kyungsoo’s pigeon-toed stance and overall state of distress he’s not very balanced and ends up tumbling forward into the stranger’s chest. 

He notes immediately that his chest is firm and warm. Kinda sweaty, too, and he smells a little too since he’s been working out but everything about it is just so masculine that it has his heart-racing. He’s never been so attracted to anyone in his life and just being around him makes Kyungsoo feel like all his mental and motor functions are malfunctioning.. Finally, the embarrassment catches up to him and he’s quick to push off and apologize, but the stranger smiles the whole time. He seems totally unbothered and it’s driving Kyungsoo nuts because _what is the damn catch here_? 

“I’m glad you’re alright. Kyungsoo, is it? Don’t look shocked! I’m not a mind reader. Your friend called you that,” he says, gesturing toward Baekhyun. Kyungsoo just nods dumbly. Yeah, he’s still experiencing a weird flurry of emotions. 

“I’m Jongin, by the way. You’re pretty cute, so I hope to see you around here more. Stay safe, alright?” he ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair before parting ways, leaving the room entirely with his friends. 

Kyungsoo, meanwhile, is reeling. He’s in a state of complete shock. That all... did not just happen, right? There’s no way that guy—Jongin—called him cute. This has to be some sort of cruel joke. No, that guy has to be toying with his feelings because it’s obvious Kyungsoo thinks he’s attractive and him and his friends think it’s funny to pick on guys like himself. Yeah, that’s definitely it. It’s happened before back when he was in high school, so it’s bound to happen now too. 

“Aw, has our Kyungsoo finally found love?” Sehun asks, finally deciding to join them after the ‘chaos’ has wrapped up. 

“He was totally hitting on you Kyungsoo! You gotta get his number! This is it, Soo! It’s your ticket out of the incel life and he’s sooo hot too. You’re so lucky. I’m almost jealous,” Baekhyun says.

“Almost?” Sehun raises a curious brow. 

“Well, I actually met a guy the other day, but we’re not on about me right now! We’re on about Kyungsoo and his hot new love interest!” Baekhyun says, looking way more excited about this than Kyungsoo feels.

“No, no. You guys saw him. Look at me. There’s no way. He was just being nice because he felt bad. Or even worse… He’s just playing a prank on me! It’s impossible for a guy that looks like that to be interested in me. I’m not interested. I don’t want to see him or get his number or anything like that. I’ll just end up worse,” Kyungsoo shakes his head and says. He knows how these things go and he refuses to get his hopes up just to be crushed. If a guy like Jongin were to hurt him like that he doesn’t think he could ever recover from such a harsh blow.

“Oh please, you’re being negative! Did you see the way he smiled at you? The way he checked you out? Of course he’s being genuine! He’s interested! He wants your bussy Kyungsoo, believe it or not!” Baekhyun interjects.

“Bussy?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Y’know, your boy pussy. Your ass,” Sehun explains and Baekhyun gives Kyungsoo a quick slap there. 

“You’ve got a great big ass, ‘Soo. I’m so jealous!” Baekhyun whines. 

“Will you.. both of you shut up! I’m not talking to him again. I’m not asking for his number. I’m avoiding him. If I see him around here I’m just gonna turn around and walk the opposite direction of where I see him,” Kyungsoo says, determined. He knows if he sees Jongin more and decides to talk to him he’ll just develop a crush and yearn, and he doesn’t want that. 

Unfortunately for himself he already feels smitten thanks to Jongin’s attention from earlier. He knows it’s just his delusional heart that wants to believe this can end well for him, so he tucks the idea of Jongin away in his mind. 

In his subsequent gym visits Kyungsoo does just as he’d sworn himself to do and does not approach Jongin. Does he think about him? Yeah. He’s seen him a few times and scurried away just like he said he would, never giving Jongin the chance to say anything to him either. It’s rude, but there’s no way of proving Jongin’s even been trying to talk to him. He probably hasn’t even noticed him—probably doesn’t even remember him. 

Being the good friends that they are Baekhyun and Sehun respect his wishes and don’t try to pressure him into approaching Jongin either, and for that Kyungsoo is glad. They even help him ‘run away’ whenever they spot him. Truly, he couldn’t wish for better best friends. 

Kyungsoo’s personal plans are going well, too, as he’s lost a couple pounds already. It isn’t much, but it’s something, and he knows that weight loss is a long and arduous process. He wants to give up already but he doesn’t because he knows he will be beautiful by the end of this. Or the best version of himself, at least, because he doesn’t actually think it’s possible for himself to be properly attractive, and certainly not to be worthy of the interest of a guy as good looking as Jongin. 

It all comes to a head, however, when Kyungsoo isn’t paying attention while he walks (he was too busy looking at cute puppy videos on instagram) and ends up bumping into Jongin in the hall at the gym. Once again he’s met with the male’s firm and warm chest, only it appears Jongin’s headed on his way out—Kyungsoo can tell since they other’s hair is wet, he’s changed, and he smells great. Of course Jongin wears expensive cologne, that perfect son of a bitch. 

This time is worse than their initial meeting because he has no back up. There’s no Sehun or Baekhyun to cheer him on or back him up and he’s all too aware of the fact. He feels like melting into a puddle so he doesn’t have to face this predicament head on. Part of him wishes that Jongin would just ignore him and keep on walking, even if that would actually crush him on the inside it just feels like the easier way out. Jongin doesn’t however, and he actually smiles that bright, dazzling smile of his and apologizes. He asks Kyungsoo if he’s alright and Kyungsoo feels his face burning. Why the hell is this guy so nice? Is Kyungsoo in a coma and this is just some long dream where his life has turned into a shoujo manga? Has he died and gone to heaven? He pinches himself. 

“Um, Kyungsoo? You’re not dreaming. I’m flattered though, especially since I think you’re so cute,” Jongin says. Kyungsoo gapes up at him and he’s astonished to see that despite the slight smirk tugging at Jongin’s full lips he’s actually blushing a little too. What the hell? So he’s serious? And wow, he’s so cute when he’s a little bit flustered. There’s just something that’s so attractive about how he’s confident yet somehow still a little shy at the same time. Jongin’s an odd enigma and terrible for his heart because he finds himself oddly hooked already. There go his plans of ignoring him and moving on from this silly little crush that’s bound to end in heartbreak. 

“I’m just… so confused,” Kyungsoo says finally. 

Jongin arches a brow, prompting Kyungsoo to speak further, even if the thought of revealing so much of his feelings to Jongin scares him there’s still something about the other man’s presence that’s oddly kind and coaxing. Jongin’s a very warm person. Kyungsoo can tell. 

“What I mean to say is I’m not used to people expressing any sort of interest in me,” he says. He doesn’t add the part about how people in high school would pretend to be interested in him for a quick laugh among their friends. 

“Well I think you’re cute. You’re as cute as a button, honestly. I wanna stick you into my pocket,” Jongin laughs, adding, “that’s not a weird thing to say, is it?” 

Kyungsoo wants to say yeah, that is a little weird, but he just smiles a little instead. God, Jongin is kind of weird but he’s hot and sweet. He doesn’t think he could be any more endeared by this guy. He’s literally perfect. He doesn’t understand how he isn’t already taken. He still doesn’t get why Jongin’s actually even slightly interested in him but he evidently really is, and as much as part of him insists this is all still a ruse Kyungsoo finds himself falling for it. 

It’s hard not to be convinced by a smile as charming as the other’s, nor a gaze as kind as his. When Jongin speaks to him he stares right at him like Kyungsoo’s the only person in the world, and while it’s almost unnerving Kyungsoo actually likes it. It makes him feel special and important. 

“Not at all,” Kyungsoo giggles, and he feels like that ditzy type that laughs at everything the handsome stud says. 

“So uh, I was thinking we could exchange numbers and get to talking some more? Maybe meet sometime outside of the gym too? We can watch a movie or eat somewhere,” Jongin suggests. Kyungsoo nods eagerly and pulls out his phone, setting it up for Jongin to add his number. Jongin hands his over to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo feels like he’s been shot right in the ass with cupid’s arrow when he gets a glance of Jongin’s homescreen.

“Ah, those are my sister’s kids and my dogs, they’re so cute, aren’t they?” Jongin asks with a smile. It’s a real bright and sincere smile, nothing flirty or confident or teasing but a genuinely happy grin and Kyungsoo swears he’s never seen anything as beautiful. All that stacked onto the fact that Jongin’s apparently a loving uncle and a dog dad to three adorable pups? He’s in love. Jongin’s the one. He barely knows Jongin but he just knows it. 

After their exchange Kyungsoo’s grinning like an idiot and still floating on cloud 9. Sehun and Baekhyun pester and tease him when he rejoins them but he doesn’t care. He’s too giddy and gladly answers all their questions. Even when he’s done with his work out he still feels the elation pumping through his veins above all else, and when he checks his phone he damn near squeals in delight seeing that Jongin didn’t hesitate to text him first.

The text was just a simple ‘ _hey_ ’ followed by a smiley face emoji but that doesn’t stop his heart from racing. This is really real, isn’t it? He’s really going to finally get a taste of being swept off his feet like he’s always secretly dreamed of, huh? 

Kyungsoo types his own reply over and over, thinking of anything and everything he could say and worrying over it for at least a good ten minutes before finally settling on a simple ‘ _hey, what’s up?_ ’ in return. He honestly feels ridiculous for fretting over every little detail but he really doesn’t want to screw things up with Jongin before they even get the chance to start. 

**_jongin_ **

_what did u wanna do, soo? we can hang out this weekend. maybe on saturday around noon? i don’t have classes or work_

Kyungsoo bites his lip. watching a movie doesn’t really give them the chance to talk, but the thought of eating with jongin… What if Jongin thinks he eats too much and gets grossed out by him? What if their conversation is awkward and Jongin never wants to see him again? he weighs his options and decides on the latter regardless. He wants to get the chance to properly talk to him. if they don’t mesh well… well, better to learn that now than on a second date, right? Kyungsoo’s praying it does work out though. 

**kyungie thicc**

_maybe we can eat and chat about stuff? i wanna get to know you :)_

Kyungsoo cringes upon realizing that 1. Baekhyun changed his name in his phone again (he can’t be bothered to fix it at the moment) and 2. Jongin probably thinks he sounds desperate and boring. 

**jongin**

_sounds great! how does in-n-out sound? and maybe we could watch something after that?_

Fast food, huh? Kyungsoo’s tummy grumbles at the thought of the delicious burgers and fries and In-N-Out. He hasn’t eaten there in a while. He actually hasn’t had fast food in a few weeks and he supposes a cheat day couldn’t hurt. Besides, Jongin’s the one that suggested it and Jongin’s shredded so it can’t be that bad, right? Without much thought to it, Kyungsoo eagerly agrees and squeals into his pillow in delight when they decide a date. 

That Saturday, at 2 P.M., Kyungsoo and Jongin were going to eat burgers and fries and then head back to Jongin’s apartment to watch anime. Jongin said he never really watched anime before besides Dragonball Z and Digimon when he was younger, so Kyungsoo decided he was going to culture him a bit on the greats (in his opinion, at least). 

Saturday was five gruelling days away though, and the week felt like it dragged on forever. Sure, he saw Jongin at the gym every other day thanks to his gym regiment, and Jongin even started helping him and offering him tips. Admittedly, Kyungsoo was still pretty crummy at the whole working out thing and spent a lot of time just staring at Jongin, but he still was shedding pounds (albeit slowly). 

And yet at the same time it felt like the week flew by on Saturday morning and he felt like he was drowning in his nerves. He’d never gone on a proper date before. He had kind of been on one but it was a joke by some guy he liked in high school so… Yeah, doesn’t count. And it scares him, too, because there’s always something that nags at the back of his mind reminding him that he thought that guy was perfect back then, too. He foolishly believed Seonho was actually into him… 

No, no. He can’t make himself anxious like this. If Jongin turns out to be a jerk then Kyungsoo refuses to cry over him. If he is, then so be it. There’s other guys out there. 

He finally gets up and opts to skip breakfast (he doesn’t think his nerves would let him hold it down), and invites Baekhyun over to help him pick an outfit out. Kyungsoo wants to immediately go for his large, baggy and concealing clothes because that’s what he’s comfortable in but Baekhyun ‘tsks’ and tells him he needs to “show off his goodies”, so he picks out some skinny-legged pants and a cute, only slightly oversized cardigan for him to wear instead. Kyungsoo feels like his ass and thighs look way too huge but Baekhyun insists that he looks great. 

“Jongin won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you. Trust me, ‘Soo. You’re built like a baddie,” Baekhyun reassures him with a hug and wishes him luck. Kyungsoo laughs at the compliment and waves it off. He’s flattered, but he still doesn’t believe it. 

It’s a short bus ride to In-N-Out and when Kyungsoo gets there he’s worried that Jongin might have stood him up, but Jongin surprises him with a bear-hug from behind. Normally Kyungsoo might get irritated but there’s something about Jongin that just softens him up and endears him. He has a lot more tolerance for his goofy antics, that’s for sure. 

While Jongin goes all out with his order (milkshake, double-double, animal fires), Kyungsoo instead opts to go for a protein-style burger and even forgoes any fries. He even settles for a water. Jongin asks him if he’s sure, reminding him it’s alright to have a cheat day here and there but Kyungsoo just nods. 

“No, no cheating for me. I want to be pretty as soon as possible,” he replies quickly, and Jongin frowns a little at that. Kyungsoo realizes he’s said something wrong.

“Hey,” Jongin starts, reaching across the table to gently rest his hand over Kyungsoo’s. “You’re already pretty. Beautiful, even. I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I felt that way from the moment I saw you,” Jongin confesses. There’s a flush on his cheeks and he looks shy admitting it but he pins Kyungsoo with his intense gaze despite that. Kyungsoo stammers and feels his own cheeks burn.

Holy fuck, he’s serious. 

Kyungsoo’s immediate reaction is the urge to cry, but he can’t. He refuses to. He can’t embarrass himself in front of Jongin like that on their first date. 

“Thank you, Jongin,” he croaks out instead, swallowing the lump in his throat and fighting back the tears with all his might. He’s just so… So happy. Jongin really likes him, and he thinks he’s beautiful. He’s never had someone he liked tell him he’s beautiful before. Part of him thinks that maybe… Maybe he is? Why else would Jongin think that? Maybe his friends were right, maybe Seonho and the others from high school were just mean. “You’re beautiful too,” he adds. 

Jongin looks like he’s about to lean across the table, but it’s just at that moment that their food is brought to them. The moment passes as both of their tummies grumble at the smell of the delicious food and they laugh. While Jongin eagerly scarfs down his food Kyungsoo eats more slowly, taking tiny bites. It’s not something that goes unnoticed by Jongin, but he says nothing as the rest of their meal is filled with idle chatter about work, school, and their friends. 

At Jongin’s apartment Kyungsoo feels self-conscious, but this time it’s actually because he’s nervous about Jongin liking what he likes and not his poor self-esteem. What if Jongin thinks the anime he likes is weird and is only watching it so Kyungsoo won’t feel bad? Kyungsoo puts it on regardless and sits beside Jongin on the couch with a healthy gap between them. Jongin puts his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders regardless and the action makes Kyungsoo feel like his heart is going to pound out of his chest. 

“So what’re we watching?” Jongin asks, nuzzling closer to him. 

“My favorite anime. It’s called _Hunter X Hunter_. It’s action and adventure and drama and angst later too. I think you’ll like it. I hope you do, at least,” Kyungsoo mumbles that last bit and presses play, feeling his heart swell as the familiar opening theme of the show starts playing. He wants to sing along truthfully, but he doesn’t wanna weird Jongin out. 

A few episodes pass and Kyungsoo feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off of his shoulders as Jongin visibly reacts and asks questions, indicating his interest. He even pouts when Kyungsoo tells him he has to leave and go home to get ready for work. 

“You can watch it by yourself, Jongin!” Kyungsoo says, moving to stand. 

“But it’s not the saaaaaammeeee,” Jongin whines. “Watching with a buddy is more fun. I guess this just means we have to have more dates where we watch anime together, huh?” Jongin asks, standing as well. The question was posed with a bit of a smug smirk on his lips. 

“I’d like that,” Kyungsoo says. Jongin walks him to the door and just before Jongin opens it for him Kyungsoo turns to face him. He pushes up onto his tip-toes and presses a chaste kiss to Jongin’s lips. “Thank you, Jongin. I had a lot of fun. I can’t wait for our next date.”

“Me neither. Take care, ‘Soo,” Jongin says, sparing Kyungsoo another kiss. It’s slightly less chaste but still far too short. If it were up to Kyungsoo he’d just jump into Jongin’s arms and kiss him all day, but he doesn’t want to rush into things so he takes his leave, grinning like an idiot all the way home and for the rest of the day. 

Over the course of the next few weeks their routine continues like that--they see each other at the gym and text when they don’t, and then on the weekends they go out on dates and end them at Jongin’s place by watching more Hunter X Hunter together. Kyungsoo is almost scared to admit it but he thinks he’s falling, and fast. He can’t believe it. He’s really living that shoujo manga romance life with someone who’s just… perfect in every way. 

Their dates are so lovely, too. They go to the movies, to the park, to the aquarium, and to end them on Jongin’s couch cuddling, watching anime, and kissing? Kyungsoo never imagined his life would end up like this. He only laments that they haven’t done more than kiss but that’s fine. He’s nervous about that anyway, and not exactly certain he’s ready to do more than that. 

In fact, Kyungsoo thinks the only thing going wrong is that his weight loss seems to have stagnated and he’s too shy to ask Jongin for further help. He’s nowhere near his goal yet either, dammit. But it’s alright--dating Jongin is a nice distraction from his existential self-loathing. 

Of course, however, just as Kyungsoo feared from the start there had to be something wrong along the way somewhere. It was all too good to be true, and it dawns on him that he really should have known better. 

It happens on a Friday night, the night before his and Jongin’s next scheduled date. That date would mark a month of them dating… Of Kyungsoo falling swiftly in love. He’s halfway home when he realizes he’s forgotten his bag at the gym. Since it’s only a mile from his place he decides to walk there since he really needs his bag. It has his charger and other belongings. He really doesn’t want to lose it. 

He rushes to his storage locker and sees that it’s on a bench, still untouched. He slings it over his shoulder and makes his way back out, but near the entrance he spots Jongin. He’s about to run up to him to say hi when he realizes Jongin’s preoccupied talking to a girl. She’s short and thin. Her waist is killer, he thinks. Every girl out there must be envious of her. He would’ve shrugged it off, but his blasted curiosity gets the better of him and he sticks around a few moments more to see her and Jongin hug. 

He doesn’t stick around after that. 

Kyungsoo runs. He runs fast, too, faster and longer than he’s run since he was forced to run the mile in high school. He doesn’t even realize that he was crying until he got home, vision blurry as he furiously wipes his eyes. 

Of course. 

_Of fucking course._

Silly, stupid, naive Kyungsoo. He should have known better than to fall for a guy that looks like Jongin. He should’ve known it was too good to be true. Good things never happen for him, and this past month went too well. Kyungsoo should’ve known that he’s ugly and fat and that no one would ever want him, especially not someone like Jongin.

He knows he promised himself he wouldn’t cry, yet he can’t help but think of how smitten he was with Jongin, and that blasted image in his head that seems as though it’s been tattooed onto the backs of his eyelids. Jongin hugging a pretty, petite girl. 

Oh, how Kyungsoo wishes he were pretty and thin like her. He’d have no problems. No one would play with his feelings for fun. Jongin would actually want him. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t know why, but he looks Jongin up on instagram. He doesn’t know why he didn’t do it before. Jongin told him he wasn’t really interested in social media, but of course, he looks Jongin up and he finds his page with a hefty following, too. and only a few posts down he sees the girl he saw Jongin hugging. Pictures of them hugging, kissing, happy and smiling on dates. This was his girlfriend? Why was he playing around with Kyungsoo, then? 

Kyungsoo notices that the most recent post is from several months ago but he doesn’t think much of it. He supposes Jongin kind of told the truth then. Jongin hadn’t used his instagram for at least 4 months, but it still existed… Jongin must have been hiding the truth. As much as Kyungsoo wants to feel angry, he can’t. He’s just sad. He’s heartbroken. 

He calls Sehun and Baekhyun to spill his heart out to them, and like the good friends they always are, they're there for him, comfort him, and jokingly threaten to beat Jongin up for him. He ignores Jongin’s calls and texts and doesn’t bother going to the gym. He just falls into a slump, feeling worse than how he did before he met Jongin and started going to the gym. He feels like he deserves it for even daring to think he could be happy about something. 

He can’t run forever though, and after a week has passed Jongin finally forces a confrontation by showing up at Kyungsoo’s house.

“I would’ve been here sooner, but Baekhyun made me beg and apologize profusely before giving me your address… I don’t even know why,” Jongin admits, a frown set on his lips yet his eyes still light up when he sees Kyungsoo. 

“Oh, really? You don’t know? You don’t think I didn’t see you with that girl? I went on your instagram Jongin, which you also lied about, and saw all sorts of pictures of you two together,” Kyungsoo starts, his tone angry. Finally, he’s letting the anger instead of sadness seep through, but he can still feel the tears fighting to fall, too, because beneath it all he’s still hurt more than anything and more hopeless than ever before.

“Why did you lie to me? Why did you play with my feelings, Jongin? Is it funny to you?” he can’t help it at this point. He chokes out a sob and buries his face in his hands. He feels so stupid crying over this jerk but he can’t help it. Jongin built him up only to break him down to an even worse condition that he’d found him in. What an evil son of a bitch, he thinks. 

Jongin’s eyes widen and genuine confusion etches itself upon his features, and then slowly, realization dawns on him. 

“Kyungsoo, I think this is a big misunderstanding--,”

“Oh, of course you’d say that I really don’t care for shitty apologies.”

“No, listen! That girl that you saw me with… At the gym, I’m guessing? She’s my ex. We ended on good terms and I hugged her because I hadn’t seen her in a while and she told me she’s moving in with her long-time crush and best friend. We broke up because we realized we were both gay and really just… better friends than lovers. No hard feelings. Look,” Jongin says, pulling out his phone to bring up this girl’s instagram and sure enough it is that same girl. Kyungsoo feels a pang of jealousy as he sees her pretty face again, but then he sees all the pictures of her with her girlfriend. 

Kyungsoo sniffles and wipes at his eyes. He’s a bit reluctant to believe it at first, but as he scrolls through the pictures he even happens upon the post where she’d come out and said she and Jongin broke up with a timestamp of several months ago. 

His first reaction is to smile, but then he feels stupid for subjecting himself to that misery based off of an assumption. He couldn’t help it… The worst always seemed to be in store for him. 

“Wow… I’m so sorry, Jongin. I shouldn’t… have assumed…” Kyungsoo trails off. Again, he feels the waterworks building up because he feels bad for making Jongin go through all of this thanks to his stupidity. 

“No, Kyungsoo. I should’ve been more up front. I mean, I could’ve told you I did have an instagram but I kinda didn’t feel like it was worth it because I don’t care for it nor use it anymore. Plus I forgot that password, so…” Jongin chuckles awkwardly.

“I just...I’m really so sorry Jongin. I’ve never dated anyone before you, and no one’s ever really even shown interest in me. I’ve been played with before by someone I liked, and I guess my cynicism in regards to romance clouded my judgement and made me assume the worst. It’s just… Still so hard for me to think that someone like you likes someone like me,” Kyungsoo smiles sadly. Jongin’s interest in him makes him happy, but he can’t help but feel inadequate and undeserving. 

“Someone like you…?” Jongin asks, brows furrowed.

“Look at me, Jongin. I’m fat. I’m ugly. In high school I got called Quasimodo because I’m short, fat, and glare. I can’t help the glaring. I can’t see well or use contacts and glasses don’t do much for me. I tried to tell them, but… No one ever cared to listen, really, except my friends. They defended me but they couldn’t always be there… I hate how I look, Jongin. I can’t help but think that if I were thin I’d be pretty,” he admits. Again, the tears trickle down his cheeks. It’s rare for him to open up like this. He doesn’t like the vulnerability but he thinks Jongin deserves this honesty. 

“I think you’re perfect. I think you’re beautiful, Kyungsoo. All of you. I don’t care how your body looks. I think your ‘glare’ is cute. I like your short stature, too. I love your curves. I’m honest. I’m not just saying it because we’re boyfriends. Kyungsoo, I think you’re an angel. You’re sweet, talented, funny, and I personally think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known, both inside and out. I’m honored that you think so highly of me,” Jongin speaks with the utmost sincerity when he talks, once again pinning Kyungsoo with that intense gaze of his. Jongin takes both of Kyungsoo’s hands in his and pulls him into a hug, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. 

“I got teased in high school, too,” Jongin continues. “I still get picked on, actually. People make jokes about my skintone all the time. They think it’s funny. When I was younger it really used to get to me. I wished I had lighter skin. I used filters to make me look lighter in selfies. I begged my parents, crying, to buy me skin-lightening stuff, but they never did. And I’m glad, because as I got older I realized there was never anything wrong with me. It was everyone else being close-minded and stupid. My dad helped me realize that. It took a while for me to learn to love myself, but I did. I’m confident now. I love my skin. It’s beautiful, don’t you think?” Jongin asks, holding up his arm for Kyungsoo to get a good look at. 

Kyungsoo nods quickly. He can’t believe that Jongin had a similar issue to him. Well, Jongin’s gotten over it at this point and realized he’s beautiful, and for that Kyungsoo is glad, because he thinks Jongin’s skin is beautiful. People that think those with darker skin are lesser are awful people, Kyungsoo thinks. Colorists, racists… It disgusts him to think people still live like that. 

“Your skin is beautiful, Jongin. You’re beautiful,” Kyungsoo says, smiling up at him. Jongin returns the wide smile. 

“And I think you’re the most beautiful, Kyungsoo,” Jongin replies. He settles his hands on the older’s waist, pausing as Kyungsoo stiffens for a moment, but Kyungsoo nods shortly after to give him the okay. His hands slide lower, further over Kyungsoo’s soft sides and down to his wide, full hips and thighs. 

“Not only beautiful, though. Sexy, too,” Jongin’s sweet smile morphs into a grin as he gropes Kyungsoo’s ass. Kyungsoo gasps at first, cheeks burning red, but he returns Jongin’s cheeky grin as he moves his arms around Jongin’s neck to kiss him properly again for the first time in what feels like ages.

Their kiss starts off innocent enough, but in seconds Kyungsoo feels that this one is different, even different from the times they’d made out. Today is the day, huh? The dead giveaway is the way Jongin kneads at his ass while they kiss, making Kyungsoo pauses between kisses to groan softly, which in turn just eggs Jongin on further. 

“I love your ass, Kyungsoo. God, it’s so fucking round and perfect. Feels so soft and big in my hands,” Jongin murmurs between heated kisses, his hands never letting up on Kyungsoo’s ass. Kyungsoo knows already he’s in for quite the night, solidified further by the way Jongin hoists him up, moving Kyungsoo’s legs around his waist as he carries him over to Kyungsoo’s bedroom and lays Kyungsoo back on the bed. 

Jongin hovers above him, kissing along his neck and muttering all sorts of compliments and praises against his skin that has Kyungsoo feeling warm all over, toes curling. It feels nice, and Kyungsoo loves the compliments, but he’s especially winded by just how… big and strong Jongin is and how small he makes Kyungsoo feel. It really turns him on. Studs have always kind of been his type, so to have a twunk like Jongin on top of him and whispering to him about how beautiful he is and how much he wants him… yeah, Kyungsoo feels like he’s died and gone to heaven. 

Jongin pulls back to peel off his own shirt and Kyungsoo would’ve complained about the lack of contact, but of course, he opts to ogle his hot boyfriend instead. Kyungsoo bites his lower lip at the sight of those rock hard abs and the slight trail of hair that leads under jongin’s jeans (which are miraculously sitting low on his hips). The self-consciousness returns to Kyungsoo when Jongin moves to take off Kyungsoo’s shirt next. He reflexively bats Jongin’s hand away, but Jongin smiles at him and spares him a soft kiss. 

“It’s okay, beautiful,” he whispers to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo melts, face heating up as he nods and allows Jongin to take off his shirt. Jongin starts like he’s looking at some art in a museum, murmurs something about Kyungsoo being beautiful yet again before his gaze darken and his brows furrow. He dives in yet again for more kisses, trailing them from where he left off at Kyungsoo’s neck down to his chest. 

Kyungsoo, since he’s a little chubby, kind of has small breasts. He feels shy as Jongin looks down at his chest with that lidded and sultry gaze of his. When Jongin speaks again his tone is low and gravelly and Kyungsoo can feel himself aching in his pants at his voice. 

“You’re seriously so sexy, Kyungsoo. You don’t know how much you turn me on,” Jongin says, closing his plump lips around one of Kyungsoo’s nipples and sucking on it. He laves it over with his tongue, too, even scraping it slightly with his teeth in a way that has Kyungsoo gasping, back arching off of the bed. Jongin gives him no reprieve, either, as his fingers pinch and roll over the nipple he isn’t currently assaulting with his tongue, lips, and teeth. 

While Jongin pays special attention to Kyungsoo’s chest he palms at his own cock through his jeans. Kyungsoo’s far too preoccupied and drowning in pleasure to do much else than moan and grip at the sheets beneath him. One hand holds the sheets while the other curls in jongin’s hair, pushing his face closer to Kyungsoo’s chest as if he can't bear to part from him for even a moment. 

Kyungsoo isn’t used to this sort of attention, Jongin intent on worshiping his chest and nipples until he was left a quivering mess beneath him. He never even thought his chest could be so sensitive yet here Jongin is, showing him just that. Just the pressure alone of Jongin’s eager lips mouthing at his chest, sucking on his nipples, it’s enough to have Kyungsoo’s own cock aching, too. He pushes himself up onto his elbows to get a better view, observing with darkened, lust-filled pupils how purposefully Jongin’s strong jaw moves, how his tongue seems to _fuck_ Kyungsoo’s nipple. The feeling and sight is overwhelming to Kyungsoo, and finally he pleads for Jongin to stop and move on as if his over-sensitive chest can’t take it anymore. 

Jongin leans back and licks his lips. They look reddened, as do Kyungsoo’s own puffy nipples. He reaches up curiously to brush a finger over one of them and whimpers. Jongin smirks. 

“Do you think milk could come out if I sucked hard enough?” Jongin asks, that pleased smirk ever-present on his lips. 

“Shut up and move on already, you nasty horndog,” Kyungsoo makes a strangled, scandalized sound before he speaks. 

Jongin chuckles and continues the trail of kisses he’d started earlier down Kyungsoo’s body. It seems like he kisses every mole on Kyungsoo’s skin on the way down, once again sparing compliments for him about how beautiful he is. Kyungsoo thinks he could cry again. He thinks… He might really start to believe what Jongin says about him being beautiful. He certainly feels beautiful when Jongin kisses him like this, paying such close attention to his body. 

“Is this okay?” Jongin asks, double checking that Kyungsoo’s giving him the okay to remove his pants. Kyungsoo nods. He doesn’t feel embarrassed when Jongin sees how hard he is or really, how unimpressive his size is. Surprisingly, Kyungsoo’s never really cared about that. He actually likes it. It seems Jongin does too, because he instantly swallows Kyungsoo’s small cock down to the hilt, prompting yet another loud, throaty, and sudden moan from him. 

Jongin sucks and works at his length so eagerly, too, and Kyungsoo can’t help but think that lips like Jongin’s were kind of meant for something like this. Jongin doesn’t want him finishing just yet though, it seems, as he continues his trail lower to his true prize. Kyungsoo startles and damn near squeals when he feels Jongin’s hot and wet tongue lapping at his entrance as if Jongin’s the one that’s touch-starved, eager, and green to this whole thing. 

“You taste so good, so sweet. You were made for me, weren’t you?” Jongin asks, voice raspy and hoarse, arousal heavy and evident in his tone. He’s pulled back a little bit to pose his question, rubbing his thumb over Kyungsoo’s slightly wettened hole. he pushes it in just a bit and spits right onto Kyungsoo’s entrance, smearing it by rubbing it in a slow circle around the older’s rim.

Kyungsoo, meanwhile, can’t even muster up a coherent sentence in response to Jongin. Instead he parts his thick thighs wider as airy moans fill the room instead. shaky fingers once again tangle into the dark tresses of Jongin’s hair as he even dares to wrap his thighs around him. Jongin groans at this and starts licking Kyungsoo open all the more eagerly. Kyungsoo didn’t even notice when it happened, but apparently Jongin brought the lube with him because he felt cold, wet fingers occasionally joining Jongin’s tongue to work him open, too.

The way Jongin expertly worked his tongue, alternating with scissoring his fingers into him and even including Kyungsoo’s balls and small length still in the attention, too, has Kyungsoo instinctively tightening up around the intrusion. Even if this is Kyungsoo’s first time, he knows this isn’t just his sensitivity speaking. Jongin is incredible. Kyungsoo’s already so close. It seems Jongin can tell, too, as he finally pulls back from Kyungsoo’s now stretched open hole. 

Kyungsoo watches in earnest as Jongin finally rids himself of the rest of his clothes, mouthwatering and eyes bulging a little at the size of Jongin’s cock. He gulps. Even with all the special attention Jongin paid him he’s not so sure he could take all of that. Jongin seems to notice his nervousness (what an attentive boyfriend--Kyungsoo’s heart flutters at the thought) as he sits back and instead pulls Kyungsoo onto his lap. “You can guide. Take it as you like. I’ll be here to help,” he says, offering him several more reassuring kisses. 

Kyungsoo’s stomach is filled with butterflies but he nods nonetheless. Jongin ruts their cocks together, smirking as he makes a comment about how cute Kyungsoo’s looked next to his. Kyungsoo nods as he watches in fascination. Jongin’s right. His dick was already average at best, but next to Jongin’s being stroked alongside Jongin’s in Jongin’s large hand, it looked even smaller. Kyungsoo pants as Jongin merely compliments him further, feeling full of warmth in knowing that Jongin really did appreciate and adore everything about him. 

He decides he can’t take the teasing anymore though, slapping Jongin’s hand away to grab the bass of his fat cock. He’s eager, and it shows when he impales himself on Jongin’s thick girth. he winces in pain because holy fuck it’s huge and it hurts, but Kyungsoo’s a big boy and he wants to prove to Jongin he can pleasaure him just as much as he can. After a few moments pass he slowly starts bouncing, relishing in the feeling of Jongin’s heavy balls pressing up against his ass with every time he lowers himself again on the younger’s dick. 

There’s a bit of drool lining Kyungsoo’s chin and a slight shake animating his frame as his hands brace himself on Jongin’s chiselled chest. He can’t help it. Holy hell, it’s a work out and it burns but feels incredible at the same time. He always kind of knew he was a bottom, but he had no idea his boyfriend’s cock would feel this amazing lodged up his ass. It comes as no surprise to either of them that after only about a minute of Kyungsoo bouncing on Jongin’s cock that Kyungsoo’s spilling between them, moaning hard and spurting between their bodies. His thighs quiver and he feels exhausted but he makes no move to pull off of Jongin. 

“Keep going… Use me Jongin, I’ll just get hard and cum again,” Kyungsoo pants, and Jongin grins at that. He grabs handfuls of the younger’s ass and starts thrusting up into him, hard and fast. The fierce pistoning of Jongin’s hips makes Kyungsoo moan hard, all but screaming as Jongin’s cock seems to nail Kyungsoo’s prostate directly. He feels like a limbless puddle in Jongin’s hold, just a hole really, but it feels so damn good. It’s so good Kyungsoo sees stars and he swears he cries a little, too. 

“Ahh… Jongin, your cock is so big.. Feels so good,” Kyungsoo weakly moans against Jongin’s neck, clinging onto him for dear life. Jongin moans hard as well, pushing Kyungsoo back onto the bed. His hands refuse to leave the older’s plump, perfect ass though. 

“Could say the same about your ass. You’re so tight and perfect. So pretty, too. All for me, right ‘Soo?” Jongin asks. He’s aroused and flushed but there’s that intense sincerity in his eyes that never leaves. Kyungsoo smiles and kisses him. 

“All for you, Jongin. I think I’m falling in love with you,” Kyungsoo manages to say this between the moans and groans Jongin fucks out of him. Despite the hungry kisses, too. He said it so easily, too. 

“I think I love you too… _Fuck_ , I’m close, baby,” Jongin says, slowing down the rapid, harsh movement of his hips to instead fuck into Kyungsoo with slow, steady grinds. Somehow, this is even better than Jongin fucking him like some unhinged beast he was doing earlier. Like this he can really, truly feel the drag of Jongin’s thick cock inside of him, pressing on all the most pleasurable spots. He gets a really good look at Jongin, too, and when their eyes meet and Jongin lips twitch into a small, happy, smile at the same time that he’s fully sheathed inside Kyungsoo, that’s when Kyungsoo feels himself spill again, making even more of a mess on his tummy. 

The tightening of Kyungsoo’s insides and Kyungsoo’s own loving and pleased smile seems to do Jongin in, too, as he stills within the older and unloads spurts of hot cum inside of his ass. They kiss through it in a poor attempt to keep down, but not even the smacking of their lips can silence their orgasmic moans. 

The aftermath feels unrealistic. Jongin slumps beside Kyungsoo but doesn’t pull out, instead cuddling up from behind him and moving an arm around him. He kisses Kyungsoo again and again. 

“Thank you, Kyungsoo. For being you. You’re so beautiful, inside and out… And I’m glad you think you love me. I feel like the luckiest guy alive,” he whispers soft and sweet. It’s almost hard to believe that this was the guy blowing Kyungsoo’s back out just a few minutes ago. 

“Thank you, Jongin. You too… For being understanding and perfect… and loving me, for me. I don’t love myself, but I think you can help me,” Kyungsoo says, looking up at Jongin with those wide eyes of his. Jongin smiles and kisses him again. 

“I’ll love you enough for the both of us, so when you learn to love yourself too you’ll get double the love. It’s what you deserve,’Soo.” Kyungsoo’s heart flutters, soars, races… All that mushy stuff he only thought possible in books and movies and anime and manga. He wasn’t so sure love existed, and if it did he didn’t think it was possible for him. 

He’d heard often how “you have to learn to love yourself before anyone can love you” or whatever that dumb saying is, so he always believed it’d be impossible. But now he knows the truth. He doesn’t love himself yet, but he’s working on it, and he’s got someone who does love him to guide him on every step of the way. 

He couldn’t be happier. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for taking the time to read my fic! 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/exoonlyfans)


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